I've started this new play, The Bond Greater Than Blood, and I'd thought I'd post what I have for some feedback.
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ACT I
SCENE I
AMARNA BLOOD
She shuffles down the crowded hallway of the school and stumbles when someone purposely bumped into her. She is wearing a school uniform (Mumbled) Sorry
STUDENT 1
Back off Blood.
AMARNA BLOOD
Bows her head even more over her books and opens her locker. She turns her head when a group of seven guys walk past talking very loudly (FOREST ADAMS, BECKETT THATCHER, CHIP DOUGLAS, FARON FLEMMING, HARLOW JACKSON, JAYCE STEVENSON, LINCOLN GARRISON)
Why do they have to be so loud and obnoxious? I know they’re the rich guys, but seriously?
HELENA BLOOD
A scraggly looking girl comes up behind her
Hey Amarna
AMARNA BLOOD
(sadly) hey Helena
HELENA BLOOD
You okay, sis?
STUDENT 2
Shoves past out of my way Blood sisters
HELENA BLOOD
Calling after student 2 I don’t get how our last name is an insult. I mean, the Blood family wasn’t always tainted. It wasn’t our fault that our Father sided with the other empire when the war broke out! We were loyal to the Berne Empire and so was our mother!
STUDENT 2
Shoves Helena and Amarna against the lockers can you prove it, Techamin loyalist?
FOREST ADAMS
Strides up and pulls the student off Hey, back off!
HELENA BLOOD
Shoves past Forest thanks but no thanks. I had the situation under control, rich boy.
FOREST ADAMS
My name is Forest Adams, not rich boy
HELENA BLOOD
Glares at Forest and the student, grabs Amarna’s hand and pulls her away.
AMARNA BLOOD
After a little bit, she pulls her arm away why’d you do that? Forest was helping us. We can’t just attack everyone who talks to us or the people whose opinions actually matter really will believe we really are Techamin loyalists, even if we are pure-blooded Bernes. We can’t hide from the fact that our father is a traitor to us and his people.
HELENA BLOOD
We’re at a school for the richest and most pure-blooded Bernes. It’s dangerous to be us. I was just doing what you’re too scared to do, stand up for ourselves. Do you honestly think that Forest Adams did that because he cared? No! He with air quotes “helped us” because it made him look good. Now turning away I have class to get to.
AMARNA BLOOD
Bows her head and hurries in the opposite direction only to run into the glowering form of student 2
STUDENT 2
Where you think you’re going, snarled Blood? Grabs her Why are you even here? Bernes Academy is for pure-blooded Berne loyalists, not supporters of the Techamin Empire. You’re a traitor to the eternal Berne Empire, Blood
AMARNA BLOOD
I… I.... we’re not traitors, only our father.
STUDENT 2
Ignoring the stares of the surrounding students, punches Amarna in the face. She slumps against the lockers. The surrounding students hurry off to class in a hush. Student 2 goes with them. The halls are empty except for Amarna.
FOREST ADAMS
He walks down the hall and sees the slumped figure which is Amarna Blood. He kneels next to her and lays a hand on her face. (Whispered) Amarna?
AMARNA BLOOD
Groans and turns her head. Her eyes shoot open suddenly what are you doing? Tries to push herself up but fails
FOREST ADAMS
(softly) hey, hey, careful. You took quite a beating. How do you feel?
AMARNA BLOOD
Like I got hit by a cement block
FOREST ADAMS
Well the guy who punched you was like a cement block. Do you want me to walk you to class? I wouldn’t want you to get beaten up again.
AMARNA BLOOD
I... would you really?
FOREST ADAMS
I would be honored to. Let’s get you up helps her to her feet what class do you have?
AMARNA BLOOD
Physics, with Mr. Rider. I’m already late, though
They start to walk down the hallway
FOREST ADAMS
I’ll vouch for you, I know he can be... difficult
They continue to walk in silence until they get to the classroom door
Well, here we are. He knocks on the door Mr. Rider?
MR. RIDER
Hello Mr. Adams. Ah, Miss Blood, how nice of you to finally show up.
FOREST ADAMS
Mr. Rider, it’s my fault Amarna’s late. I was having trouble with my Geometry homework and she was helping me.
MR. RIDER
Okay. You get away with being late this time Miss Blood he stares at her face for a moment before saying what happened to your face?
AMARNA BLOOD
Interrupts Forest I tripped she has a bruise slowly developing on her face from the punch
MR. RIDER
Graceful, Now get in here. I have class to teach. It was great to see you Mr. Adams.
Forest gives an uncomfortable smile and waves goodbye as he walks away. Amarna bows her head and shuffles into the classroom with Mr. Rider on her tail
SCENE II
Amarna has her head bowed over a cheap fast food meal picking at her fries in a food court of a mall. She is no longer in her school uniform. Her phone dings with a new text message and she lifts it up to look at it but flips it back over and continues to pick at her fries. She gives a big sigh and takes a small, reluctant bite of a fry. She makes a face and puts it back down, unfinished. Forest, Beckett, Chip, Faron, Harlow, Jayce, and Lincoln walk past quite loudly. Forest pauses and walks up to Amarna
FOREST ADAMS
How are you doing, Amarna?
BECKETT THATCHER
What are you doing Adams?
FOREST ADAMS
Give me a minute Beckett.
AMARNA BLOOD
I... wait... why do you care?
FOREST ADAMS
He turns to his friends I’ll catch up with you guys later. I want to talk to Amarna for a bit.
CHIP DOUGLAS
Raises an eyebrow okay Adams. Don’t take too long, we have a movie in thirty minutes.
All the guys give Forest weird looks as they walk away
FOREST ADAMS
Sorry about the guys. They’re a little... what’s the word?... clingy? Anyways, you took quite a beating yesterday. I was wondering how you were holding up?
AMARNA BLOOD
I don’t want to be rude or anything, but why do you care what happens to me? You’re the first person, besides Helen of course, that actually appears to care.
FOREST ADAMS
To be honest, I found how the Bernes treat those with Techamin ancestry hypocritical. You and your sister Helen are pure blooded Bernes and you’re treated worse than people who are half Techamin and half Berne. I couldn’t just sit by and let you and Helen get beat up by him.
AMARNA BLOOD
You know Forest, you’re the first person to actually care about what happens to Helen and I. You do know that it was only our father who was a Techamin loyalist and not our whole family? Our uncle, my father’s own brother, is still a congressman in the Berne Congress. Our mother is still trusted enough to be Senator Rockman’s personal assistant.
FOREST ADAMS
He cuts her off by raising his hand hey hey, it’s okay Amarna. I trust your family. The Bloods were once the most powerful families in all of the Berne Empire. Your family’s reputation may be a bit tarnished, but the Bloods are still very powerful. I mean, we all go to a school for upper class rich Bernes and even after the whole situation with your father, I still think that your family is richer than most of the other students at the academy.
AMARNA BLOOD
Thanks. I wish everyone else thought like that. It’s hard to be the center of social ridicule. I want my old life back but Helen is making it hard for me.
FOREST ADAMS
She is quite aggressive. He fiddles with his shirt for a little bit before continuing hey! Do you want to join the guys and I for shopping and a movie? We were planning on stopping at the comic book store before going to see the new superhero movie. We nerds, I know! (Laughs) after a second, Amarna joins in
AMARNA BLOOD
Composes herself again are you sure I wouldn’t be in the way? What do your friends think of me and my family? I wouldn’t want to make your outing awkward.
FOREST ADAMS
Hey hey it’s all good. The guys won’t care. We’re all easy going people.
AMARNA BLOOD
She gathers her uneaten food and throws it all out in a nearby trash can. She forces a smile and starts to walk to the comic book store with Forest
SCENE III
Forest’s friends are browsing the shelves. Forest and Amarna walk in. Forest has a hand placed protectively on her back.
FOREST ADAMS
Hey guys. I hope you don’t mind, but Amarna will be joining us this afternoon.
BECKETT THATCHER
Okay... why? I don’t mean to be rude or anything but...
FOREST ADAMS
Beckett, don’t. That IS rude.
CHIP DOUGLAS
Sarcastically yeah Thatcher, don’t be rude
FOREST ADAMS
Facepalms, says while pointing to each person this is Beckett Thatcher, Chip Douglas, Faron Fleming, Harlow Jackson, Jayce Stevenson, and Lincoln Garrison. Guys, nodding to Amarna this is Amarna Blood. sternly don’t screw up.
FARON FLEMMING
dramatically oh Adams, would we do that to you? We’re wounded!
AMARNA BLOOD
whispered to Forest are your friends always this sarcastic and dramatic? Also, is it a guy thing to call each other by your last names?
FOREST ADAMS
Yeah. the guys are a bunch of drama queens. And yeah, we’ve always just used our last names a lot. I think it is a guy thing. I don’t see girls doing it.
LINCOLN GARRISON
So… Amarna… how’d you and Forest meet?
AMARNA BLOOD
Um… you know how most people feel about my family after what um… my dad did?
FOREST ADAMS
Whispered to Amarna Amarna, you don’t have to do this
AMARNA ADAMS
Forces a smile and continues to speak anyways, a lot of people think that my whole family is… like my dad...but we aren’t. Helen, my twin sister, and I were being harassed by someone about it. Forest defended us and helped with Mr. Rider because I was late to class because of it.
CHIP DOUGLAS
That’s horrible! I can’t believe people have been judging you and your sister just based on the actions of your father. Are you okay?
JAYCE STEVENSON
People who do that are just being childish. The war has been over for a year now.
AMARNA BLOOD
I’m okay. Can you guys stay away from Helen, though? She can be a little ah… aggressive… when people try to help us.
FOREST ADAMS
Of course!
HARLOW JACKSON
You know, in my opinion, the war was dumb to start. It was literally a war over who got the last country not in one of the two empires. I mean, why couldn’t Brickenland stay independent? Why do the Berne and Techamin Empires feel they must own the whole world?
FARON FLEMING
I know, it’s so dumb! Brickenland was actually a pretty nice place. It’s too bad that it’s now owned by Berne. Do you remember what happened to Ayminese culture when Aymin was taken over?
BECKETT THATCHER
I’M Ayminese, I’d rather not think about it. Or you Adams, you’re Ireniese. When Iren was taken over…
FOREST ADAMS
Has a pained look on his face yeah, I know. Amarna, we’re all from different countries that Berne took over. The only reason we were able to get into an academy for pure-blooded Bernes is because we were all adopted at a young age by pure-blooded families, so we were all raised as Bernes.
JAYCE STEVENSON
Hey, doesn’t the movie start soon?
CHIP DOUGLAS
With a sly smile Adams, you sly dog! If you didn’t want to see the movie, you should have just said so instead of bringing a pretty girl over to distract us!
AMARNA BLOOD
Blushes I…
FOREST BLOOD
Ignore him, he’s just teasing me. We really should head to the movie. We can buy you a ticket when we get there.
AMARNA BLOOD
It’s okay, I’ve already got in the way enough of your guy time. I can just get going.
FOREST ADAMS
No, it’s okay. We’re fine with you staying. Right guys?
All of the guys nod in agreement
LINCOLN GARRISON
You’re in the same boat as us, legally pure but still hated by our peers.
AMARNA BLOOD
You all seemed so popular, though
BECKETT THATCHER
People like us for our money. And legally, we are technically pure so people legally can’t hate us. You’re also technically pure but you’re just a pure-blood in an unfortunate situation. Let’s get to our movie now shall we?
AMARNA BLOOD
Smiles and joins the others as they leave the comic book store
SCENE IV
They just finished the movie and are standing outside the theater
AMARNA BLOOD
For someone who knows next to nothing about superheroes, I really enjoyed it. Thanks guys, you really didn’t have to invite me Forest.
FOREST ADAMS
I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. You’re a nice girl, Amarna
CHIP DOUGLAS
Ooo! Forest and Amarna sitting in a tree.. Amarna starts turning red with embarrassment
FOREST ADAMS
Glares at chip and punches him in the arm
The guys are soon grinning as they shove and push each other playfully.
AMARNA BLOOD
Amarna is standing near the door to the theater looking uncomfortable
I ah… I think I’ll be heading out, thanks for the movie. I’ll um… be seeing you at school I guess…
She starts to walk away
FOREST ADAMS
Runs after her and catches her arm hey, I’m sorry. We aren’t used to having a girl around. Sorry if we freaked you out or something. Do you have a way to get home?
AMARNA BLOOD
Yeah, yeah. I um… my car is in the front parking lot. I’ll just walk around to it. Thanks again for the movie. She walks away and Forest watches her until she disappears around the corner of the building
HARLOW JACKSON
Smooth move Romeo
FOREST ADAMS
It’s not like that Harlow! I’m trying to be nice
LINCOLN GARRISON
Maybe Adams can finally get his first real girlfriend!
FOREST ADAMS
What about Trixi? She was a real girlfriend!
CHIP DOUGLAS
Did you ever kiss her?
FOREST ADAMS
No…
JAYCE STEVENSON
Then it doesn’t count
FOREST ADAMS
Rolls his eyes I’m going to my car. I’ll see you dorks tomorrow.
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any feedback (positive or constructive) is appreciated!
I also need cover art, let me know if you have any ideas for that!
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